When you hear the word “summer,” what are some thoughts that instantly fill your mind? For most of us, it is probably most relative to the way we spent our summers as a child. Because good childhood memories are the building blocks for what we often expect and try to recreate as adults. Swimming at the local pool, beach vacations, and lazy summer afternoons waiting for the ice cream truck. Or going out for slushies after a trip to the library with no need to be on time for anything because there is no schedule. For most, it is probably correct to assume that the word “summer” instantly connotes “fun.”
This summer I wanted to have fun. I also wanted to have fun last summer and the 9 summers before that. It did not occur to me until this summer, that every single year I have been trying to recreate something or fulfill this summer dream of mine that has yet to have been fulfilled. In my final twitches of winter each year, as I desperately check the weather every day yearning for something above 40 degrees, I can already start pre-planning in my mind and making a mental list of all of the things I want to do when it is summer! My heart skips a beat as I can hardly wait for all the sunshine and unscheduled time we will have on our hands. All the trips to the pool, soaking in the sun, zoo trips, dollar movies and the library and…. Just SO much fun to be had!
And then… it is here! SUMMMMMEEEERRRR!!!!! And then the first day after the kids are out of school, and I’m all like- whaaaaaaaa?!?! Just to give you an example- the day I began writing this post was smack in the middle of summer and was supposed to be a nice laid back, run to Target – And let me just pause right there and ask you please do NOT feel the need to lecture me about that. I am fully aware of the controversy, but unless Target gets rid of their handicap parking, I will continue to shop there because I love Target and pretty much the only thing these days that really gets me up in arms is illegal use of handicap parking so… That is all. But as I was saying, we (the kids and I) were going to run to Target, then the library after lunch where I was going to bring the laptop to type something. I was not exactly sure what, but just that I needed to therapeutically put something into words and I know my kids can be temporarily entertained with our library’s xBox. So I will tell you, I was sitting there, uber frustrated and about to literally pull a chunk of my hair out. Because? “The game is not fun and I don’t know how to play.” And Rylie is not satisfied to sit there quietly and watch him play the stupid game. AND…. I just needed a minute!
See, summer in our home is not so typical, and I find myself putting a lot of mental effort into how to just create a lazy summer day, because up until this summer, I have subconsciously tried to recreate what I imagined the perfect summer to be. While my daughter is generally a happy child despite her extreme physical limitations, she is still cognitively able to become bored just like the average child. Except with the average child, they can express they are bored but really do not have an excuse if they have a physically able body. Since my daughter does not, this boredom is my responsibility because she can literally do nothing independently. And because I am not okay with her watching 18 Disney movies a day, I have to put real effort into helping her engage in her world. So let me be real frank with you right now: this summer, like every summer before it, was NOTHING how I imagined it would be. And honestly I’ve been pretty darn cranky about it. Then I suddenly realized that I was so frustrated because I had unspoken, super unrealistic expectations of what I wanted summer to be. I wanted it to be like the summer I grew up with. Except, that the summer I grew up with was with an average able-bodied family. And I had the fortunate opportunities of going swimming the majority of the summer and taking super fun vacations with my family. It’s just what we did, and that was what summer was when school was out. Its what we expected. And then, without realizing, I let those subconscious expectations rule my attitude every single year until this summer. I have let every summer become an ultimate disappointment and end in me drowning myself in guilt-ridden thoughts about how I failed to bring my kids all the fun. And even though, in every other aspect of life I have adapted and overcome, and accepted that our lives are just simply not like everyone else’s, somehow I missed it with my dream summer expectations.
Do you want to hear something abominable? We did not go swimming this summer. Not once. Hudson managed to go with friends a couple of times, but that is it. I felt embarrassed to tell people this. We have been to the zoo once this summer with our membership, and have made it to none of the $1 movies at the theater. Up until now, I had translated this as utter failure for our summer, and I felt depressed and frustrated because we were not having all the fun. Summer is also our busy season for ministry, so there are no vacation days for our family and Daddy is very busy. And realistically, my 65 lb daughter is wheelchair bound and requires a schedule of meds, diaper changes, and daily medical procedures, which means an afternoon at the pool is officially a physically impossible feat for me to take her by myself. And when you account for the fact that her meds cause sun sensitivity even with sunscreen, even a simple mid-afternoon trip to the zoo suddenly becomes a bit of a stressor.
So, I’ve taken a minute to sit back and reflect on what we HAVE done this summer. And while it included Hudson attending some free afternoon camps through our church, and raiding the ice cream truck a few times, we actually ended up spending a majority of our time with our friends who are from other countries. We have shared new experiences with our friends, and in a sense, visited other countries simply by walking into their homes. And if visiting other people’s homes that do not call America their first home counts as visiting other countries, then we have visited at least 3 other countries this summer alone!
So I have begun to meditate on these thoughts and began to feel encouraged about the fact that my kids have had experiences that I had never dreamed of having as a child, and did not even have myself until I became an adult. And because of their innocence and natural childlike faith, they love whomever we love, and befriend whomever we befriend. They do not easily judge and develop prejudices. These behaviors are learned, and if we are not displaying them then our children are not going to likely display them either. But even still, after I began to be thankful for the fullness of love that we experienced this summer, that little nagging voice was asking me if I really thought I was doing this thing right….
Then one day on the way to one of Rylie’s therapy appointments, there was a homeless lady standing at the end of the interstate ramp with a sign. Hudson is sitting in the front seat and quickly says “Mommy we need to give her something quick!” He knows in the past we have given a water bottle or something tangible out to someone in need, but at that moment we did not have anything in the car. Now this was a reoccurring appointment for Rylie over several weeks this summer, so we saw the same lady standing in the same place every day. Hudson reminded me a couple more times over the next few days after seeing her, that we need to get something for her. Honestly, it was not my priority at the moment, and while I had good intentions, I inevitably would forget to get something to bring. So one morning, as I’m getting Rylie ready for her appointment, Hudson comes in with a grocery bag and asks me to look. He had gotten some snacks together and asked if he could fill his water bottle and give it to the lady we see every day on the corner. I of course told him that would be great! We approached the end of the exit ramp that morning and handed the bag out the window to the lady. She thanked us and Hudson waved and we went on our way. “That made me so happy Mommy!” he commented. We talked about why it made him happy, and how Jesus wants us to help those in need what it means to love.
You see we spent a majority of our summer in the homes of people who are not just from other countries, but who are refugees that have been given the nearly impossible task of trying to figure out how to just survive in this crazy land of America. Learning a new language, a new culture, and basically starting your life all over in a foreign land can be quite daunting. Jesus filled our hearts this summer with a love for these people and we were able to serve them in both tangible ways, and relationally. Jesus gave us a desire to build relationships with these people with no expectation except to love them as He loves us. And in turn, the new friends we made have probably impacted our lives more than theirs. They have taught us so much about life!
So it took me a while, but I eventually got the moral of the story – the day Hudson packed snacks for the lady on the exit ramp said it all. It was an overflowing of what we had been doing all summer. Loving people in tangible ways and pouring out what we could, where we could. And in that moment, I had a powerful parenting realization: I can tell them and preach to them, but at the end of the day my kids will follow me. They will mimic me. And my passions will naturally become their passions. It’s not something I could teach in a classroom setting. It can only be done by living life with them, and allowing them to experience the world and ministry through the eyes of Jesus. However, I have to be the one reflecting Jesus. And it gave a whole new meaning to the phrase, “Actions speak louder than words.”
I will tell you, there have been plenty of parenting moments where I have had that whole mimicking thing come back to haunt me, whether it be that snide facial expression or muttering under the breath that is such a stark reminder of my sinful nature. And I assure you I am far from ridding myself of those regrettable moments. But when Jesus gives you that beautiful moment of encouragement and allows you to have a peek into your child’s heart in such a raw and honest moment, you come to that complete reality of what parenting is all about, and the responsibility resting on us to get it right. But to also realize, we canNOT get it right without Jesus. Period. Our children will naturally follow us. So we need to get serious about the time Jesus said “Follow me,” and recognize that if we are focused on just that, then our children will naturally follow suit. So when I began to think of how it is most important to just follow Jesus, instead of worrying if I am screwing up my children, it lightened my burden because He will take care of the rest!
So while I mourned for a minute for the summer we didn’t have, in the end I realized that “fun” shouldn’t be my ultimate goal. Because actually we did have all the fun, it just looked really different than what I had anticipated! Honestly, fun alone can also become very self indulgent and narcissistic. And while that might sound uncomfortable, “fun” is not something I remember being mentioned in the Bible. Love, and joy and peace and patience… and kindness and goodness and faithfulness… and gentleness and self-control. Those are all in the Bible, and these are things we should strive to be and do. Because they are Christ-like. I’m not suggesting that it is wrong to have fun, but that perhaps we should stop to think more often about whether or not it is something that is going to reflect Christ and ways it can turn into an outpouring of His love.
Ephesians 3:14-19 (ESV)
“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith – that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”
May we all as believers strive to be rooted and grounded in the love of Christ, so that we will know the love of Christ, and in turn allow that love to overflow unconditionally to every person in our path. ❤
Valiant 